The weekend is before me and then Monday is free so finally some time to write a new post.
Two weeks of school is behind me. First one consisted mostly of orientations and on the next one normal classes have started.
There is so many things I could write and my head is so full of thoughts (both positive and negative) so I will try to make an order in all these stuff by writing about it. Maybe it will help me to accept the current situation and my own feelings.
First days were really difficult. They are always difficult. I feel really bad around many, many new people. It gives me the feeling of being closed in a cage. It is not only stressful but also tiring. I just feel like I need a corner to hide myself there. My summikkogurashi nature is on such moments in its full bloom. No matter how I try to be open it ends the same and after a while of trying I give up. In such moments I regret that I do not have this one friend who would take care of me, stay with me, talk with people and I would just do my best in smiling nicely. In other case I just finish as a weirdo, conceited princess or in best case as socially awkward.
Oh and by the way the all first day started with falling from the stairs. I want to believe that it is a sign of good things that are going to come. Here is the culprit.
Next thing is my Japanese. It is really bad. I was not even aware how much I forgot everything including speaking. I feel miserable with myself. And tests were really difficult. The feeling "what are you doing here asshole" has become my daily companion.
At least as I wrote in the previous post the area is pretty cool. Not only the building itself but also everything around. Being in such a place daily gives you a gleam of prestige and success which disappears as quickly as I reach school and remind myself how miserable I am.
And this amazement park just next to Pacifico Yokohama is the best thing ever. Just looking at this big merry-go-round gives me the feeling of fun which exists outside the school and which I can encounter later if I do my best at school in this moment. And there is a lot of to do. Believe me. I have never had so many homeworks in my all life. There are moments when I feel like crying because I feel so tired but still have to learn. In such moments I just would like to hide myself somewhere so all world would forget about me. Somewhere in a corner.
Eating bento. Bento everyday because nothing vegan in a canteen.
Best thing is that on my way to the station there is Queen Square, shopping center with Sanrio, Disney and Snoopy store. I just have to pass next to them on my way every time. Sometimes just a look at these cuteness is a way to feel a little better. It makes my own hopelessness a little more acceptable.
Except it of course that still there is a lot of amazing things, some amazing friends, places
that give me power to go on. Seeing pics on my fbk or instagram people can thing
that I live in paradise.
Well, not really my daily life mostly consists of hard work and continuing
feeling of being a life failure xD
Some pictures from dream part of my life.
Visited my friend in his gothic bar Placebo in Yokohama. Small but coolest place you can imagine.
He made me konbu dashi ramen and then foretold my future by tarot card. This kind of place, small, beautifully decorated, hidden somewhere you would never except them to be is my favorite. Small paradises you can hide yourself from all the world for a while.
Next thing was Voque Fashion Night Out in Laforet. I met Maki from Angelic Pretty, saw Minori again and above everything enjoyed watching beautiful people dressed perfectly in all details. For a while you can transfer to the dream fairy tale world with all gorgeous garments, princes and princesses and above everything you feel to be a part of it.
Vegan dinner and Yayoi Yumeji museum with a friend. So happy to become friends with a person I admired strongly before I had a slight idea I will meet him one day.
Yayoi museum has always something to offer. Old shoujo illustrations always make me feel nostalgic for no reason.
Like I would miss something but I am not ever sure what it is. Something like a winter wind.
Last thing: Versailles exhibition in Marui in Shibuya. Drums, a throne and some pictures. Of course there is a store as well. And of course there are some following events as well. But this pleasure is still before me.
Yes, there is many pleasures but these are just whiles I try to catch. But generally I find myself being Alice again.
Alice in Wonderland.
Alice inside daily life.
Alice who tries to leave everything behind entering rabbit hole.
But then she is back.
She is always back.
She is always back.
No comments:
Post a Comment